Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
