im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
