omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
