So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
