They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
