if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
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