I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
