Welp...herpes.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
