You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
