why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
