theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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