I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
