She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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