so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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