Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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