I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
