Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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