Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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