Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
