It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
She's like a pop up book from hell.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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