i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
