i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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