You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
