On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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