Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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