Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
