garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
