I'm lost and stupid without you.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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