I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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