My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
