She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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