hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm sobbing to NWA
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
