So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
