and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Randomize
