im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
