Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
