SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
