Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
