He asked me if I "almost moaned"
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
