DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
