When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I am full of burrito and curiosity
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
