The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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