he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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