He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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