sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
