I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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