He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
