i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
