Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
