dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
