Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
