Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
